A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.
Found the best way to get into and out of Manhattan on the bike, and it’s this bridge! The sidewalks are wide, people are scarce, and it’s an easy ride! I’m all sorts of excited I found that! Nice!!
I used to take the 19 Bus everyday across this bridge into Harlem on my way to High School. I see Hostos Community college in the distance. Can’t believe it’s been 7 years since this bridge was reconstructed. Damn.
A lot of cold winters here: long thick black scarf wrapped around my warm-blooded neck, a black overcoat that was oriented more for style than defense against the wind chill, ear muffs worn over my headphones (my ears always got cold first).
Damn I’m old.
Have you ever gone into a public restroom and there was a creep in there who stared at you until you finished doing your business and then turned on the faucet, pumped soap into your hands, and gave you a paper towel? And then you had to tip him? He must hate his job more than I hate his job. I…
Last night I had a dream I walked into a Dominican shop. I asked the owner if she was Dominican. I already knew, but just wanted to make sure. I gave her a long hug. She held on tight. I guess I just miss my people.
Letting someone into my heart is challenging, but possible. It’s a simple place and full of love and emotion.
My mind, on the other hand, has always been a convoluted, sometimes dark, place. It’s complex and full of turmoil. It over thinks things, and often tries to make sense of the nonsensical. Letting someone in there, that’s the hard part.
I will question everything, especially what motivates people to do what they do, as that is my nature. I posted this fully knowing I would incite hate mail. It’s a natural human reaction when you question someone’s deeply rooted practices. Because it is a part of their identity, it will feel like an attack on their self. That’s why people react in an emotional manner, such as calling someone stupid.
Calling someone stupid does nothing for your argument, btw. Once that word is thrown out, it’s no longer an argument and is now a personal attack.
I can pull out all kinds of scientific studies on plant physiology, research, and even philosophical arguments, but I won’t, because it’d be a waste of my energies. I’ll save my keystrokes for other endeavors. Just know I will never have to justify my thoughts to anyone, because this is my blog and my space.
That is all.
I don’t really understand vegetarianism. People talk about saving animals and such. It’s a nice sentiment, but that’s all it is. Plants are life forms too. Just because they don’t move, they don’t breath, and aren’t cute doesn’t make them any less alive. We need to eat life to survive of one form or another. Why deny your very nature?
I haven’t written on here in a while. I’ve been so overtaken by life, and my priorities that I haven’t come here to vent in some time. I remember how this is the place where I can come and say my unfiltered thoughts without having to explain myself or be understood. My mind is a maze that even I don’t understand sometimes. If you read my blog entries you might mistakenly think that I lead a negative life, or that I am constantly sullen. This really is not so. I am a happy man for the time being. It’s just that I feel this is a very excellent way to ventilate negative energies. And sometimes I just have these thoughts…
At times, I sit alone in the dark space of my living room. I light a little candle, play eerie music, and face my fears, of the evil and the unknown. Turning a blind eye to it does not make it go away. With this is disagree with the Law of Attraction train of thought. It’s too easy to walk through life thinking you have it all—or most of it— figured out, when really there is just a whole other dimension out there that we can’t even fathom. This can’t be all. This can’t possibly be all. This thin veneer of sanity that we all carry.
I don’t post any of this on Facebook, and I don’t post any of this on Instagram. It’s simpler that way. Maybe I’m just drowning in my own delusions, but I feel there is more to life out there. More than can be seen. Normality is an illusion. We’re are strange deep inside. I just happen to acknowledge and accept that of myself. Life’s too short and the universe too grand to spend its entirety navigating along the known and explored tracks set out before you.
"My family made me come. But I hate it. I can’t get a job because I have a lot of accent. I was an assistant manager at a big jewelry store in the Dominican Republic, now I clean tables. We had a big house there. Now we live in a small apartment. If I was home right now, I’d be in a very nice restaurant, on the beach, laughing with my friends. Not sitting alone on a bench, trying to learn English. There I was a princess. Here I am an immigrant. A servant."
Wasn’t my experience because I came a lot younger, but this hits close to home.
This body is fragile. It’s a hindrance to consciousness. I’ve been watching this show called Being Human. It’s your typical werewolf and vampire show. In the show, there was a scene where two vampires were contemplating the true meaning of immortality. One argued that they were Man’s original form, Adam and Eve were immortal too. What a dependent existence it must be, for the Vampire cannot exist without human prey. If they were to ever travel space, then they wouldn’t last very long, dying from starvation. Or they have to pack years worth of food which is prohibitively expensive.
We humans would have to do the same, which brings me back to my original point. Existing in a physical form is a hindrance. You have this body that you need to maintain, feed, keep it sexy, get it laid. It’s all too much. And we get old and die. So our consciousness is limited by all these things. I must admit that I haven’t been very spiritual throughout my life, but that’s slowly changing. I feel more comfortable exploring realms beyond the edge of science.
I don’t think the answer is written down in some book somewhere. No. That would be too easy. It’s out there to be found. If something had all the answers, why even exist? Why give me a thinking mind?!
I think we’re more than a collection of molecules and cells. I mean, even science hasn’t explained how life started. It’s this anomaly on the calendar of spacetime, almost like a mistake. But here we are now.
They say we picture heaven and hell as an afterlife, to give us hope that there is something after you die. That there is another chance in a better place to be a better person. But what you have is now. And you have to treat it, like it is all there is, because no one really knows what happens. As for me, I don’t picture heaven and hell. I picture my being traveling through space, exploring this grand universe. That’s at the core of who I am.
Our bodies will die before we see but a fragment of this earth, in a fragment of this solar system, in a fragment of this galaxy, in a fragment of this universe. No! There has to be more. Much more than this mind and body can really understand.
As I lie here on my Bed at 1am unable to fall asleep, I had a stark realization. I have only one life. This body and the soul that animate it, is brittle and mortal. There’s power in embracing that. It’s so easy to take it for granted when you live day by day. To think that you will live another day, and another.
The biggest trap in life is thinking you’ll live forever, and it’s so easy to fall into.